The spirit pines for an otherworldly connection, to be one with the source; the very beginning.
Amidst the admirers and with our hearts filled with love, there is always something missing. Is it a link, a connection, or a desire to be understood?
Balancing on the thin line between sanity and freedom.
Are we hopeless lovers or hopeful of love?
And the cooking continues…
The last few years that I have been in therapy have definitely evolved me as an individual and I am sure a lot of people out there will agree on the tremendous effects psychotherapy has on an individual, but does anyone else out there feel that in some way therapy has also ruined our childhood memories? I surely feel so.
Before I started therapy, especially the inner child healing I had a ton of funny stories and memories from my childhood, memories I could go back to and smile and enjoy the nostalgia. My sibling and I would remember and laugh at some crazy, stupid incident from our childhood. In those memories and at that time my parents were my idols and I loved them unconditionally.
Now, I am in a place where I don’t remember a single happy memory from my childhood. It’s like suddenly every action and every word and every memory from my childhood is somehow related to some incident that has led to some kind of trauma. All I see is how flawed my parents were and all the mistakes that they and I made growing up. Even the happy memories are now tainted with flaws or some deep-rooted negative belief or pattern. The memories that I used to go back to when I was feeling low and wanted to feel grounded and loved have just disappeared.
I hope things get better as I heal and evolve in this journey. But for now, I am not very happy about not being able to connect to pleasant memories from my childhood.
So I have been feeling lonely a little too often these days. To take my mind off my feelings, I turn to one thing I have always enjoyed, which is good food. I love to cook food for myself; that’s my self-care and self-love thing.
Clams in Red Thai Curry
Shallots: I started with peeling and chopping shallots, I could have used red onion but I have realised when I am feeling numb I prefer using shallots as peeling and chopping them require more attention and that helps me take my mind off things.
Ginger: half a teaspoon of freshly grated ginger
Red curry paste: Used Real Thai’s red curry paste
Clams: Freshly sourced from the local fish market, shucked and cleaned
Fish Sauce: 1 teaspoon
Mixed veg – Purple cabbage, red bell pepper (I had already cooked frozen vegetables)
Coconut Milk - 1/2 cup
Directions –
Add coconut oil to a pan, add finely chopped shallots, and let them cook until they are soft. Add ginger and sauté until it releases its aroma, around 2 mins.
Add Clams and let them cook for around 5 – 7 mins tossing in some butter (1tbsp) if you want to make it rich.
Now, add the Red Curry paste mixed in 1/2 cup water and let it cook for 5 mins
Add coconut milk along with cooked vegetables and salt if needed. Let it simmer for 2 – 3 mins. Garnish with chopped basil and mint.
Note to self –
The clams were cooked for a total of 15 mins. Next time, cook them for maybe 12 mins as some of them were chewy and rubbery
Add a little more curry paste and squeeze some lemon juice after serving.
I have recently rescued the sweetest 4-year-old fur baby. She is no fuss, no drama, happy in her own little world and loves to give side eyes and make puppy faces. If there was one thing I could make her understand it is that I will always come back to her. No matter where I go, or how long I am gone I will always come back.
If you could un-invent something, what would it be?
My first thought was I would un-invent nuclear weapon, gunpowder and other weapons of mass destruction. When I thought more I realised the biggest cause of mass destruction in today day and age is probably the internet.
Internet like any other invention might not be harmful itself but internet in wrong hands, controlled by wrong people has the power to turn an entire generation into for lack of a better word Zombie.
Life without the internet was simple and authentic.
The line between the authentic self and ego is often blurry. While many of us believe we are living our authentic self, in truth we are being guided by our ego.
To understand this, let’s begin by answering an important question. So tell me, what is the opposite of Love? Many think it is hate, some say it is indifference, in reality though, it is Fear. Yes, the opposite of Love is Fear; with a big F. Now that this is established the difference between authentic self and ego is easier to understand. Ego operates from a place of fear whereas our authentic self or the highest self operates from a place of love.
Fear is so deeply embedded within us that it clouds everything and drives our ego leading to our wants. We want more because we fear we do not have enough, we are not enough. This puts us in a loop, a vicious circle of unsatisfactory feelings. As soon as one want is met 10 more rear their ugly heads. Wants are never ending and because they come from a place of fear, meeting our wants give us only momentary happiness and mostly never peace. Ego makes us controlling, we want to control ourselves and others and want to change the world’s perception about us. We seek external validation, some of us might become people pleasers or take on a false identity to be liked by others or develop narcissistic traits. Ego does not care about what we need, it is never inwards.
Once we start looking at ourselves and our surroundings from a place of love, we becomes more accepting of ourselves and let go the want to control. We soon realize that we have enough, we are enough and we have or we are exactly what we need. We start loving ourselves unconditionally without looking for external validation. We start believing in the divine and understand that the Universe/God/ Supreme power loves us. Our trust in self and the divine timing develops. We manifest everything at the right time. Authentic self draws the right energy and the universe aligns itself to our needs.
Living authentically is beautiful.
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.
Nicole Sobon
It all started during the first lock-down. This never ending feeling of emptiness, of paranoia, of time rushing by and I not being able to catch up with it. I tried meditating, exercising and blamed it all on the pandemic that had forced us into isolation and lock-down. I lost my job, got a new job, spent time with family but this feeling never left me.
I was unhappy in my marriage, my husband was too involved with him parents to give me anytime and I guess somewhere deep within me without my being aware of it, I was done with the breadcrumbs of his attention. I would wake up in the middle of the night with tears running down my face. I did not know who to talk to, who would understand this restlessness.
So I decided to take a trip to Goa for a few days to spend sometime with a dear friend. It was she who made me realized how low and unhappy I looked. She pointed out how my posture is always closed and defensive and how badly I am hurting from being in an unhappy marriage for last 7 years. That was the first time in years I became aware of what I had become. How scared and lonely I was in spite of living in a joint family and how unsettled and unsure I was of all myself. This realization shook me but it also gave me the courage to do two very difficult things. Firstly ask for help from a psychotherapist and secondly get out of my marriage and START OVER.
Cooking and eating has always been therapeutic, add a dash of baking and the cathartic experience goes to different level. After all who doesn’t like the smell of freshly baked food.
I have a been practicing baking bread for last 3 months. I looked up various blogs and food sites to get the perfect recipe and trust me the world wide web is full of them. But baking like a lot of other skills are acquired by practice.
And after a lot of trials and errors I have finally started baking the near perfect bread. Ta-Da. And I can’t stop feeling happy about it.
So what did I finally do right. A lot of things actually – from precise measurement to making sure the yeast is activated, using the butter at room temperature and adding butter and salt a few minutes after I start kneading.
Knowing that one cannot really over knead the dough helped. I prefer using my hands to knead it. It takes time but it sure is comforting. I always window test the dough, it is a good way of know when the dough is ready for the next step — Resting
Every recipe instructs to let the dough rise to twice the size. I never paid much attention to it until I forgot the dough for almost 3 hours!! Yes I forgot, a mistake as this led to over proofing which is not good for the bread but then neither is under proofing so remember twice the size is perfect.
Finally giving the bread a desired shape, (my favourite is french loaf) proofing for 30 minutes and finally baking.
Ahh! the heavenly smell. Once the bread is baked you can knock on it to hear the hollow sound, let it cool then slice it and eat it.
Remember there is nothing more delicious and wholesome than a homemade bread.
Happy Friday everyone! Today I am sharing one of my favourite poem.
Poems are beautiful😌. They have a way of touching the deepest corner of our souls where a part of our true being is hidden.
The best poems are those that feel like a cup of hot coffee on a rainy day. This particular one is written by P.B. Shelley and it is titled Love’s Philosophy. First published on 22 December 1819.
Stargazers & Daydreamers 
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